


Force Code

by mia_ametista



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Crack, Gen, Parody, and it's a little shit, canon compliant until I say otherwise, episode 1 but the Force is its own character, rated r because I didn't give a flying f about language, so yeah this is really not to be taken seriously, well somewhat canon compliant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:20:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28511793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mia_ametista/pseuds/mia_ametista
Summary: - Did you know people are giving me shit because I have a bad feeling about things so often?Obi-Wan thinks.- Do they?- You know, those feelings mainly come from you talking in that tone of voice.- What tone?The Force chuckles quietly.I’m only in your heeead, Kenobi.- Don’t you gaslight me.The Force has been talking to Obi-Wan since he's been a child - annoyingly, it doesn't seem to talk to anyone else. Ever. He's grown used to it... well, sort of.or:Episode 1, but the Force is a literal voice in Obi-Wan's head, and it has a lot to say about things.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 55





	1. Chapter 1

Prologue - somewhere on the planet Stewjon, some time in the year 57 BBY.

A child. A young boy, not yet out of his first year of existence in this universe.

The Force caresses around the infant. It has instantly taking a liking to this child, to the bright, attentive expression in his baby blue eyes and his strong, shining presence. Soon he will draw the threads of the Force’s power to him like a bright light attracts moths. Soon those threads of power surrounding him will be discovered. He will learn to feel and identify them, to use and spin them to his will.

Soon. Not now. By this age he cannot feel the Force’s presence yet. But he will learn to. Although he may not be able to understand the words floating through the connection, he might learn, in time, to sense their meaning. Some sense it more, others sense it less. And only very few of them…

 _Hello child_ , the Force whispers softly. _We’re gonna meet very soon. You’re gonna…_  
It stops itself suddenly, as it notices that the boy’s head has turned, and his eyes move around the room, seemingly searching for something. For the source of a voice that seems to have no source.

The Force is delighted. _Oh, you’re one who listens_ , it trills excitedly, floating around young Obi-Wan who is increasingly confused by not finding anyone matching the voice and eventually just starts crying.

_Oh, my boy. You and I, we’re going to have so. Much. Fun._

~~~

Present day (which means some time in the year 32 BBY), a corridor on a star ship near the surface of Naboo.

“I have a bad feeling about this.”  
“I don’t sense anything.”

A voice in Obi-Wan’s head sighs. _Of course he doesn’t. I tried to tell him there’s not much gained in negotiations on this very beautiful shithole of a planet. This whole thing is going to go down the drains. Obi-Wan, are you listening? I think your master might get himself killed by the end of this if he keeps ignoring me._  
Obi-Wan tries to ignore the Force while he listens to Qui-Gon explain to him how to listen to the Force. It’s a paradox he’s grown accustomed to.

“Be mindful of the Living Force, young padawan,” Qui-Gon closes his spontaneous lesson.  
“Yes, Master.”  
_I can’t believe this guy_ , the Force grumbles. _Be mindful of me! Of **me**!! Kriff, that man is so blunt sometimes._  
Its babbling admittedly makes it kind of hard to stay in the moment. It also intensifies the slight anxiousness Obi-Wan has been feeling ever since they took off for Naboo. Which Qui-Gon just told him to ignore, basically.

He sighs internally. _Alright. I’m listening. What exactly is it you’re concerned about?  
\- I don’t know.  
\- You don’t know?  
\- Yet. You people keep changing future events with your chaotic lifestyle.  
\- You just said Qui-Gon might get himself killed.  
\- Oh, yeah. That too._

Obi-Wan closes his eyes for the shortest moment, reminding himself to stay calm and centered. _If you don’t have anything valuable to contribute right now, I’m going to listen to Qui-Gon for a while, okay?_

 _But Obi-Wan_ , the Force whines. _There’s something there! It’s really pissing me off; I really don’t like it. Obi-Wan, something’s gonna happen! Soon, it’s gonna happen soon, and it’s gonna be really bad! Obi-Wan!!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Qui-Gon has faith in the Force. The Force has faith in Obi-Wan's skills to maneuver and, more importantly, short-circuit a bongo. Obi-Wan has faith in Jar Jar, or rather in his inherent ability to not only get himself, but all of them lost.

In the high court of an underwater city in which they are so very clearly and blatantly not welcome, Qui-Gon is striking a deal with the Gungan leader to hire that dude he randomly bumped into as a navigator. Obi-Wan seriously doubts Jar Jar is qualified to navigate anything more spacious than the reach of his arms. He would say so if he didn’t know that look on Qui-Gon’s face all too well. That look of pity he’ll later justify with ‘the Force led him to us’.  
Well, that’s easy enough to verify.

 _\- Do you have something to do with that?  
\- No._ The Force sounds legitimately disappointed. _I wish I had, though, because it’s hilarious._

Obi-Wan shoots Qui-Gon a quick look. _He thinks you have.  
\- Yeah, he does. I think I can settle for that, then.  
\- Is he going to get one or both of us killed? Because he’s giving off that vibe.  
\- Oh, no, no. Not **killed**._

Obi-Wan sighs, so deeply that it attracts Qui-Gon’s attention who looks at him inquisitively for a moment.  
_\- Did you know people are giving me shit because I have a bad feeling about things so often?_ Obi-Wan thinks.  
_\- Do they?  
\- You know, those feelings mainly come from you talking in that tone of voice.  
\- What tone?_ The Force chuckles quietly. _I’m only in your heeead, Kenobi.  
\- Don’t you gaslight me._

~~~

_\- Fish.  
\- What?  
\- FISH._

The vehicle quakes as something from behind attaches to it. Obi-Wan turns in tandem with Qui-Gon. Oh. That kind of fish. He clutches the steering gear and quickly tries to collect his thoughts – the premonition hasn’t been far enough in advance to dodge the large tentacle. The fish starts pulling the bongo glider between its jaws.

_\- Fish.  
\- Yes I know, thanks for the super well-timed heads-up.  
\- Nope – fish!  
\- I… what?!_

An impact from the left throws the bongo and suddenly they’re free to go, as a giant water creature (for which ‘fish’ sort of seems like a euphemism) bites into the anglerfish.

Qui-Gon smirks. “There’s always a bigger fish.”

_Fuck. That’s a cool line. Why didn’t I think of that._

Obi-Wan groans internally.  
_\- Do you think next time you could warn one of us a little bit earlier? Just a tiny little bit?  
\- It worked out, didn’t it?_

“Don’t worry, the Force will guide us,” Qui-Gon tells Jar Jar just now.

_\- See? Your master has faith in me.  
\- I have faith in your **capabilities**. I’m just saying you could work on your communication skills.  
\- What are you talking about, I’m a great communicator. Your submarine is beeping at me, by the way.  
\- What?_

The bongo glider starts beeping. Obi-Wan checks the instruments and discovers they’re losing power. Managing to hold back an audible sigh this time he peels open a panel and takes a quick look at the now exposed wires. Some of them look nicely fried.  
_\- Well, that’s great. I suppose you couldn’t have told me that before I drove it into that cave either.  
\- Hey, relax. I have full faith in your ability to jump-start a car. Or, you know, a submarine. Fish!_


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stranded on a desert planet in the Outer Rim, Qui-Gon and the Force encounter a new project and an old hobby. Obi-Wan is left on the ship and in dire need of an aspirin.

_\- I like the blue one.  
\- That seems super beside the point right now._

Obi-Wan watches tensely as the glider tries to maneuver through the vessels that are blocking the way. More and more alarms start sounding through the bridge of their ship as the laser blasts keep impacting.

_Trust me._ The Force sounds certain, almost satisfied, and it calms Obi-Wan down a little. The Force is a troll, but it usually doesn’t sound so relaxed when shit is really about to hit the fan. _Watch out for the blue one._

And sure enough, just a few moments later, when the droids start appearing on the little screen that shows the outside of the ship, Obi-Wan knows what the Force means.  
Shields are back up. The little white-and-blue droid quickly rolls back inside. The pilot punches the glider into hyperspace.  
Obi-Wan smiles to himself. _You’re right. I like him too._

~~~

_You know, I feel like I’m too hard on your master sometimes_ , the Force chuckles, out of breath and slightly disheveled, with (metaphorically) blushed cheeks. _He’s pretty okay after all._

Obi-Wan sits up, suddenly alarmed. _What is he up to now?  
\- Nothing, nothing._ The Force giggles excitedly. Which is rarely a good sign.  
 _\- Oh, come on. Are you gambling again?  
\- Nope_, the Force claims happily. _Everything totally legal. Excuse me, I gotta go enter a Podrace real quick._  
 _\- You what now?!_ Obi-Wan stares into the empty space in disbelief. But apparently the Force is already off to dabble in some semi-legal death sport and has turned off its omniscient channel.

Somewhere on this ship he needs to find something against his killer headache…

~~~

_What are you doing that for?_ The Force peeks over his shoulter with an air of intrigue while Obi-Wan is feeding the blood sample data Qui-Gon has sent him into the computer.

Obi-Wan holds back a sigh. _Is that a rhetorical question?  
\- Mmh, maybe.  
\- I want to know if the midichlorian count is unusually high.  
\- Yes.  
\- Yes what?  
\- Yes it is._ The Force snorts slightly. _You know, you could’ve just asked me.  
\- Sure. And afterwards I go to my significantly older and wiser master and tell him, hey Qui-Gon, you know the tests you asked me to run? Yeah, I didn’t do them, because luckily the Force told me the results in advance._

The Force shrugs. _Don’t look at me. I tried to tell him, too, but he kind of only half listens to these kind of things._  
“Sometimes I think I’m the only idiot who listens to you anyway,” Obi-Wan mutters. One of Amidala’s handmaidens who is just walking by looks at him in confusion, and Obi-Wan thinks that if she hasn’t considered him a nutjob before, now’s the moment she’s seriously questioning the Senate’s decision to send Jedi to Naboo. Or, like, the point of Jedi in general. He forces a smile at her, and she quickly continues on.

_Excuse you_ , the Force pouts. _First of all, this is a privilege. Second, no, you aren’t.  
\- Oh yeah?  
\- Sometimes I talk with Yoda, too.  
\- And why aren’t you with Yoda more often, then?_ Obi-Wan provokes it. He isn’t at all surprised that it’s Master Yoda of all people the Force is nagging from time to time.  
 _\- Because it’s funnier with you. Look, your samples are done._

Automatically, Obi-Wan turns to look at the computer. It keeps rattling for a couple more seconds, then it announces the end of the analyzing process with a soft beep.

~~~

Obi-Wan sinks down until he lies flat on his back and stares at the ceiling.

_\- Hey, you there?  
\- Yes, I am. And yes, he is.  
\- Taking the child with him, you mean?  
\- Sure. That’s what you were going to ask, right?  
\- It’s kind of irritating when you answer my questions before I ask them.  
\- I thought you might be used to it by now._

Obi-Wan frowns slightly. “Yeah. Why am I not used to it yet,” he mutters. He ponders for a bit. _Is the kid going to be trouble?  
\- Oh, yes. So much trouble._ The Force sounds delighted. It sighs dreamily.  
 _\- I’m serious.  
\- So am I. You should ask more specific questions if you don’t like the answer.  
\- You were just answering my questions in advance!_

The Force snuffles condescendingly. _Hey, listen. There’s a billion possibilities this thing could play out. I could list them to you and be finished by next year. I don’t know what’s gonna happen, that depends on everyone’s decisions. I don’t control everything, you know._ It seems to think for a moment. _Don’t worry. You’ll like the boy._

He closes his eyes, takes a couple of deep, calm breaths. In and out. Feels the Force around him, not just the part that chews on his ear all the time, but the Force as a whole. Lets it wash over him with reassuring certainty. Gradually he can feel himself calm down.

_\- Also he’s totally gonna drive you nuts. He’s going to give you so much grey hair.  
\- Oh, shut the fuck up._


End file.
